A psychological exercise to help you identify your genuinely original desires
2 mins read

A psychological exercise to help you identify your genuinely original desires

Isabella Chase0

Most of us can list what we want: a different job, a healthier body, more freedom, a calmer mind. Yet when you look closer, many “desires” are borrowed from family expectations, social media scripts, or old survival habits. A simple psychological exercise can help you identify genuinely original desires: the wants that still feel true when nobody is watching, applauding, or judging.

Why “original desires” are hard to spot

In everyday life, motivation often gets mixed with approval-seeking. You may chase goals that earn praise, reduce anxiety, or avoid disappointment rather than express who you are. This is why the same achievement can feel oddly flat once you get it. Identifying authentic desires requires separating inner interest from external reward, and noticing which wants remain steady over time.

The Mirror-and-Shadow Exercise (20 minutes)

This desire-identification exercise uses two short lists: one for “mirror” wants (socially legible, easy to explain) and one for “shadow” wants (private, slightly risky to admit). Set a timer for 10 minutes per list. Write quickly; do not edit.

Step 1: Capture your Mirror wants

Complete this sentence ten times: “I want _____ because it would make me look/feel like _____.” Examples: “successful”, “secure”, “admired”, “sorted”. This reveals the image you are trying to maintain. Highlight any repeated identity words; repetition signals a strong social driver.

Step 2: Capture your Shadow wants

Now complete: “If nobody could judge me, I would want _____.” Include desires that seem “impractical”, “selfish”, or oddly specific. These often contain your most original energy. If you get stuck, ask: “What would I try for one week, just to see?”

Step 3: Test each desire with three filters

Put every item through the filters below. Keep what scores highly on all three; those are your genuinely original desires.

Filter Question to ask What “yes” feels like
Aliveness Do I feel more awake thinking about it? Curiosity, warmth, forward pull
Ownership Would I still want it without praise? Quiet certainty, less explaining
Cost honesty Am I willing to pay the real cost? A grounded “yes”, not fantasy

Turn one original desire into a next action

Choose one high-scoring desire and define a “minimum viable experiment” you can do within seven days. Keep it small and observable: one lesson, one conversation, one hour of practice, one visit. Then record two notes afterwards: “What felt energising?” and “What felt performative?” Over time, this builds a reliable map of authentic motivation.

How to know it worked

When you identify genuinely original desires, your planning becomes simpler. You need fewer justifications, feel less friction starting, and experience a steadier satisfaction. The goal is not to erase practical constraints, but to stop mistaking borrowed ambitions for your own.

Isabella Chase spent seven years in marketing communications for wellness brands in New York before leaving corporate life at 32 to pursue writing full time. The decision came after she realized she was building campaigns about mindfulness for companies that did not practice any of it internally. She supported herself by teaching yoga part-time while building a freelance career from her Upper West Side apartment. Her first marriage lasted six years and ended when she was 34. She describes it as the loneliest period of her life, sitting feet away from another person and feeling completely isolated. That experience, along with discovering she is a highly sensitive person, pushed her toward the intersection of psychology, relationships, and mindfulness that defines her work. She met her current husband David at a meditation retreat in the Catskills. Isabella writes about self-improvement, emotional intelligence, and navigating life as someone who feels everything at full volume. Her pieces draw on evidence-based psychology, her own experience with therapy, and a willingness to be specific about what actually helps rather than offering reassurance. She lives in Manhattan, meditates daily, and is working on a book about urban life as a highly sensitive person.

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